Free At Last

Jason had his last high school exam, the Physics Regents, today. That's it. It' s over and I won't have to hang around watching to see that he does his homework anymore. I can go out evenings any time I want. I can get a job. I can do all kinds of things I have put on hold for almost 18 years.

As usual when something long anticipated happens I don't feel the elation I expected to feel. Instead it's just a flat feeling, almost a nonacceptance of this new situation. It's been so long and I have been used to building what I do around him. Now, one doesn't stop being a parent, but the level of responsibility has just dropped back quite a lot.

Now I have to decide what I'm doing with the rest of my life. Once I know where I stand as far as a job I'll be thinking about some volunteer activities. Chances are Bruce and I will want to get involved with the UU church in Brooklyn. It's time to stop trying to contribute where we are not wanted, and start contributing our efforts where they will be valued.

It's on to graduation and then summertime. Jason will be working and I hope I will too. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!