December 1st

Tuesday, December 1st, was the eighth anniversary of my breast cancer surgery. Pretty good, though it is scary that Nancy, who had ovarian and uterine cancer 9 years ago, got through almost 9 years of survivorship before it came back to kill her.

The concern that it may come back never completely leaves. I just have to believe that it won’t.

Eight years ago I felt and experienced the power of prayer. My friends from the internet support group were praying for me and they knew the expected time of my surgery. I remember being with Bruce and stopping off in Barnes and Noble first to try and get our minds off the operation. I remember looking through comedy books and laughing but underneath the laughs there was a constant dread.

Then we went to the hospital, I checked in, and I waited. I had a slight sore throat that evening. It was probably dryness due to fear. But I was afraid that if they found I was running a fever they would delay the surgery. I wanted that breast off. I wanted the cancer removed from my body, before it could go anywhere else.

Around 5 PM I felt a definite lessening of dread. My spirits lightened. There was no obvious reason for this, because in fact I was forced to wait an extra two and a half hours until an operating room was open for me.

But at the scheduled time of the surgery I definitely felt different, lighter, less afraid. I knew then that the prayers from afar were lifting me up and strengthening me.

Lois was returning from a trip that night, and she made a beeline from the airport straight to Beth Israel Medical Center. When I woke up in the recovery room, she was standing over me smiling and looking like a blonde angel. Lois told me that now, I could be an Amazon warrior.

I said I might list to the left unless I carried a shield in my right hand like the Amazons did, and Lois replied that I was more aware and alert than anyone she’d ever seen wake up from an operation.

No matter what happens on my survivorship anniversary, I am blessed. I was late to work because of a track fire, but so what? I’m here and I’m breathing, eight years after breast cancer. And I intend to keep on breathing. It was a sunny day and warm for December 1st. That was a gift too. “Just live in the sunshine,” as the song goes. “We’ll understand it all by and by.

December 1st is World AIDS day and Rosa Parks Day. Fifty years ago, she sparked off the Montgomery bus boycott by refusing to give up her seat to a white man. So December 1st is a special day in a lot of ways. I don’t like winter and I dread its onset, but now, every year for the rest of my life, I’ll be reminded that I made it through that scary winter of 1997-98. I survived. And that’s something to be grateful for.