For One More Day

Mitch Albom's Tuesdays With Morrie was a book that touched me deeply at a time when I was struggling with the loss of my friend and mentor, Richard Price. So when I saw his newer book, For One More Day, I had to read it.

What a stunner. I have read many books about the dead returning to save a loved one in despair, but this one was so immediate, so real, that my eyes were wet. That doesn't happen often when I read a book.

It made me think of my own mother, and it also made me want to hand the book to Jason and tell him, read this before it is too late.

There are chapters headed, Times I Did Not Stand Up for My Mother, juxtaposed against other chapters titled, Times My Mother Stood Up for Me.

Somehow, really, we expect this relationship between mothers and children. Mother gives her all, and the mother in this book, Posey, certainly did. She stood up for her son whenever she perceived a threat to him. On the other hand her son, Chick, didn't stand up for her when he thought it was a contest between his father and his mother, or his mother and the outside world.

Sometimes, though, he did. His parents divorced and so his mother became an outcast, with other women afraid she would charm their husbands away from them. When Chick caught some boys spying on his mother with binoculars and saying, "Look at the divorcee," as if it were a smutty word, he did react and beat them up.

But, he felt he abandoned her to follow his father's dream of making him into a baseball star, and she succumbed to a heart attack. Who hasn't felt he or she wasn't there enough for Mom?

Even though it's in the nature of things, it felt deeply satisfying to see Chick get his one more day with his Mom, and accompany her in the spirit world to minister to people who were about to die. Wonderful story of salvation, because when he awakens, Chick sets about repairing his own broken family, cleaning up his alcoholism, and becoming a part of his daughter's life again, where once he was such an embarrassment that she didn't even invite him to her wedding.

And Mitch Albom dedicates the book to his own mother and reveals that at least one incident in the story came directly from his own life; there's a photograph to prove it.

I guess it is fitting that I read this right before Mother's Day. It is the perfect Mother's Day present... from a mother to a child.

BHC April Program

"The first days are the hardest days, don't you worry any more
Cause when life looks like easy street, there is danger at your door."

-- The Grateful Dead, "Uncle John's Band"

It's not always simple getting a new organization off the ground, but we've been managing to come up with monthly programs on a variety of issues, and to have plenty of fun too.

Sunday we met at the Kensington Library, where Remi gave a talk on The Truth of Myth. She brought out the psychological needs that are built into our brains and into all societies, a need for a myth or story, as Kurt would put it.

Remi spoke of the disconnect many people have between the mammalian brain, the cerebellum, that rules emotions, and the cerebrum, that gives us the ability to think and be logical. The need for myth arises from the emotional part of the brain, which requires teaching and needs to be helped to grow just as much as the logical part. She mentioned the story of a young boy who had a nervous breakdown, and when his psychiatrist explored the reasons, he realized that the boy grew up in a family of very intelligent, logical thinkers who wanted nothing but scientific facts in their lives. Consequently they never read their son any children's stories, fairy tales, or myths. That side of his development had not kept pace with his high IQ, so he became dysfunctional.

Once this was discovered, the boy began to recover as his therapist read stories to him, and finally he ordered his family to read children's stories to him every night as other families did.

Remi also brought out that the Greek myths were about gods who were not infallible, in fact they were very fallible. Even though they were more powerful than humans they had some very human failings, which helped people to feel that they were not so unreachable. She also pointed out that until a certain age (the onset of adolescence, maybe) children need heroes to help them feel safe and secure. Take away Samson, she said, and he will be replaced by Superman, because children need that super powerful figure to believe in. Later on many people replace the mythical heroes with an abstract figure such as God.

We went around the room and talked about our thoughts on myths and any myths that have been important to us. One person brought up Prometheus, who brought fire to humanity and was punished by being chained to a rock and having an eagle eat his liver every day. I mentioned two children's stories that influenced me a great deal, both Dr. Seuss books: Horton Hears a Who, and Horton Hatches the Egg. Horton Hatches the Egg fits into the BHC ideal of keeping commitments, because Horton the elephant stays on that nest and keeps that baby bird warm no matter what befalls him. Horton Hears a Who demonstrates not only the importance of standing up for the "invisible" and overlooked people in society, no matter how tiny a minority they may be, but also the importance of everyone standing together and speaking out against injustice.

Both these books were an influence on me as a child and I think led me into the ethical path that first induced me to explore and join Ethical Culture, and then when BSEC failed to walk its talk, breaking away and helping to form the Brooklyn Humanist Community.

After a short break, The Sticker Dude recited the "Storyteller" poem, and then sang folk and protest songs, all selected so we could sing along. He took us from Paradise (Kentucky) to the Promised Land. Along the way we sang along to "Uncle John's Band," "This Little Light of Mine," and many others. It was a rollicking, fun way to finish up the program, and brought back some nostalgic thoughts of Sticker Dude's impromptu concerts in the basement of BSEC. But now we're the Brooklyn Humanist Community, and by golly, BHC Rocks!

BHC Book Club: My Sister's Keeper

On Friday night the BHC Book Discussion Group met at Sheila's apartment to discuss My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult. Sheila provided a delicious dinner: a giant bagel sandwich, cole slaw, potato and macaroni salad, fruit salad, cookies and chocolates.

After we ate the "jury" convened to deliberate on whether the various characters in the Fitzgerald family acted ethically. For the most part, we favored Anna, the main character, who was created as a "designer baby" to be a perfect genetic match and therefore a stem cell donor for her older sister Kate, who had a rare and very dangerous form of leukemia. Most of us criticized the mother, Sara, for her obvious favoritism toward Kate to the exclusion of her two other children, Anna and Jesse. Anna was raised with the expectation that she would always be there to donate blood, bone marrow and even body parts to save her sister. Jesse, the oldest and the only male, has become so embittered by being pushed aside and treated as insignificant that he has resorted to drugs, stealing cars, and arson. The father, Brian, could be viewed as kinder to his youngest child than Sara, or else as passive, letting Sara make all the decisions and not putting in his two cents.

Some people felt that Sara was right to try and save Kate at all costs, even if it meant endangering Anna. Others felt Anna was right to bring a lawsuit for medical emancipation from her parents so that they could not coerce her into giving up a kidney for her sister. The discussion was lively and impassioned, and all sorts of moral criteria came to the fore.

It's a tough book to read, especially with the shocking and tragic ending. But the writing drew me in and I ended up reading it three times.

This was an excellent evening, with lots of input from everyone. Our next book will be A Thousand Splendid Suns.

A BHC Reflection on Freedom

Last night we gathered at Rozanne and Michael's home in Park Slope for a Reflection. This was one of the best turnouts we've had so far. We had about 23 people. Rozanne made a "few simple things," and since she's an accomplished chef, they were absolutely wonderful. After we feasted Kurt led the reflection, based on this poem:


True Freedom
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk being called sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk showing your true self.
To place your ideas and your dreams before a crowd
is to risk being called naive.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair, and to try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken, because the greatest risk in life
is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.
Chained by things that are certain, he is a slave.
He has forefeited his freedom.

Only the person who risks is truly free

.....Author Unknown

The discussion was excellent. At the end, we spoke about those we admire..risk takers or not. I said I admired Beth, who heard from her doctor that she shouldn't buy birthday candles..and every year that she survived, she sent the twit a box of birthday candles.

I liked Jason's story. He said that he admired an autistic boy he met at the stable, who hasn't spoken before but has started speaking there. He made everyone chuckle when he mentioned that the boy has recently started speaking to "a female."

It was great to see so many of us together again. Some of our events have been well attended, others not so much. This one was a real crowd. Rozanne's home is a beautiful setting, a large brownstone with antique furnishings. There's a beautiful kimono hanging on the wall behind the piano. You would think it came straight from Japan but it was purchased in Kansas City. They have figurines that look like they came from Mexico or South America, and in the kitchen Rozanne has a collection of serving dishes mounted on the wall, each one different from the others.

The house is lovely, their adopted daughter is a lovely young lady, but it is their graciousness that makes it such an uplifting experience to be in their home. It was a great night, and everyone who attended contributed some unique thoughts. Ruth said something that stays in my mind: when asked about admiring someone who took a risk, she pointed out that as a group we took the risk of leaving BSEC and forming our own organization, and it is working!

Next we have to organize the Seder on the 25th. I'm going to start making calls tomorrow and get the ball rolling. That should be lots of fun! And it will revive a tradition that went by the wayside for so many years. We're going to revive them all! This was a successful and heartwarming event. There will be many more.

Organized Crime in the Third Grade

I heard on the news that a group of third graders in Georgia didn't appreciate their teacher's scolding. So they banded together and cooked up a plan to tie her up, stab her with a steak knife, cover up the windows, and then clean up the mess.

You have to give them credit for organized planning, but this is a pretty cold and ugly plan to be cooked up by a group of eight and nine-year olds. They must have had the modern "teamwork" approach to education, since they parcelled out the tasks so neatly. These kids could run a junior crime organization; perhaps they'll be hearing from recruiters.

But somewhere along the way, someone forgot to teach them right from wrong.

I don't think this can happen at school. It comes from the parents, and apparently the parents in this case were not up to the job. Or, maybe they were too busy scraping out a living, but that doesn't fly with me. Plenty of people have scraped for a living but remembered to instill some values in their kids.

It's pretty frightening when kids who should be playing at Chucky Cheese or watching cartoons are instead plotting to stab their teacher. What kind of a world are we creating by leaving kids to learn their morals from a TV set or a video game?