Breast Cancer, 10 Years After

Ten years ago today I had my mastectomy. I was terrified. Not so much of losing a breast, but of waking up to hear that it had spread throughout my body, and that I didn't have long to live.

Although I'd had some warning signs for two years, mine was an unusual type of breast cancer, known as Paget's Disease of the Nipple. It manifests as what looks like a rash or some skin problem on the nipple, and therefore is often ignored until it has spread. That was what I feared. The survival rate was lower than some other breast cancers, because women who had it tended to go to dermatologists, who weren't always sharp enough to take a biopsy, but kept issuing creams while the cancer grew and entrenched itself.

Also, because it looks like a rash or a callous, it doesn't raise the same level of alarm that an actual lump would raise in a woman's mind. It's pretty rare, showing up in only 2 out of 100 cases of breast cancer.

Fortunately, the dermatologist I went to recognized that it could be more than a rash, so he took a biopsy.

After the mastectomy on December 1, 1997, I felt great about my survival chances until December 22nd when I had a bone scan that revealed a suspicious mass in my left femur. On Christmas Eve (Merry Christmas to you, doc!) my oncologist told me it looked as if I had metastatic cancer in the femur, and if so it was a question of how long it would take me to die. Not pretty news by any means, and I lived in terror for the next seven weeks until in February I had an orthopedic biopsy.

I never learned the name of the mass in my femur, but it wasn't cancer and it wasn't going to kill me. That was all the information I needed.

At the time I became very spiritual and prayed a lot, read lots of spiritual books. Since then I've become a little more apathetic about my spiritual life again. Everyday life and its concerns takes over. But some things have changed forever. There's no such thing as a routine doctor appointment anymore, and any little symptom I have gets magnified into possible cancer in my mind.

But, I'm also grateful for the ten years I've lived cancer free, and I hope to remain cancer-free for the rest of my life. I got the chance to see Jason grow up and graduate high school. Now that he's in a transitional period, I need to see him heading in a useful direction. And I still haven't given up the hope of dancing (stiffly) to classic rock at my grandchildren's weddings.

So onward I go, with ten years survival now, and high hopes for future survival. The odds were with me but they were sure scary for a while there. I've been blessed, and I need to remember that when the petty things get me down.

Happy Anniversary to me!!